What Lucia Reveals… Chapter 1
“Horus and His Companions – The Sun The Light & The Moon”…
First Draft: Enjoy the read…
I know that this will be the only account of her story. I hope I do it justice. She does finally get to leave, as they both had planned and wanted so very much.
Lucia Blanco, her pen name, found me on twitter. Because she said, that I had editing for a reasonable price, besides being a published author of a sci-fi book series. She was a very friendly, articulate and beautiful woman of about forty, with blond hair and pale blue eyes. She became very talkative when we were discussing her poetry book, otherwise she was a good listener. She never said much about herself, not interjecting anything personal into our conversations. At times she appeared to be lost in thought, coming back to our conversation with a tidbit of information that came to her. That is why I found it out of character for her to begin sharing personal information, through questions she would ask me about things happening to her of recent.
We were setting up her book in ebook format from the chapters she had developed. She has been writing haiku since about 2000 having kept 5 blank books filled with these brief Japanese poems. She had explained she wanted more than an anthology of her work, that she felt she was able to teach others how to keep their memories using haiku. So her book would move between the presentation of her haiku chapters and the informational chapters teaching the reader how to write haiku. Lucia felt it would be boring for the reader to either just focus on the learning, or on the reading of an anthology of someone else’s work. She wanted to do more for the reader. She wanted to share actual reasons to use haiku everyday to capture important moments in the readers’ life. Lucia hoped too, that the reader would develop from the use of haiku an insight into life, seeing how extraordinary things happened around them. She would talk about how seeing a flock of black birds landing in a winter bare tree was inspiring to her. How this moment could be written down simply in a haiku to be relived later with one’s self or shared with others. All of this was what she wanted in her book. She seemed to want to give to others the same creative freedom, that she had found for herself.
I have a shaded patio next to the house a bit away from the sun, but with enough light, that protected the eyes and lap tops from the direct glare. It was June and warming up a bit, enough, that a cool glass of sweet tea was helpful while writing. I had met Lucia during the winter, so most of our weekly meetings had been indoors. Now I felt she would enjoy the change being out in nature. This seemed to inspire her and open her up to conversation of a personal type.
“I have been so busy, that I had forgotten how nice it is to be outside, Gemma,” Lucia said, as she set up her lap top on the glass patio table top.
“Yes, I had thought being out side would help the flow of thoughts. I enjoy the sounds of the birds and the feel of the breeze when it comes around,” I said.
I sat a pitcher of sweet tea on the table producing the characteristic sounds of ice bumping glass, while arranging the two tumblers safely away from our lap tops.
“Nature is something others have encouraged me to get out into more, they say it would clear my head and heart. But there just doesn’t seem time for that.” Lucia said, “I do need to relax more. I work at my writing and at a real job as they say. My friends make me have the time to enjoy myself.”
“Who are your friends? They sound like they are telling you to do something you really need right now,” I said, as I sat down and pulled up my chair closer to see both her lap top screen and mine.
“One of my friends was a real life saver last summer, when I was having a very low point. To tell you the truth, I felt suicidal. I was focused on the things I had not done. On things I did not feel capable of doing. I was confused as to what it was I wanted and needed. I took a long walk, I asked for help out into the air. A few days later my help came, my life has changed,” Lucia said, looking slightly side ways at me but appearing to be more interested in the computer screen. I felt she was attempting to tell me something personal, but afraid of how I would react. I felt, she seemed shy about the questions that could come from me to explain and to not be so vague.
I was now very interested in how a friend could come at the right time and change a focus in life. I knew how it felt to hit a wall and feel alone, powerless to stop the flood of emotions. How did this friend know about her need? “Lucia, you must have some friend. Like a mind reader. They must know you really well to have helped you so quickly solve such a huge conflict,” I said, attempting to gain eye contact with her.
She pushed her chair back, appearing to take me as a whole in to her line of vision. “It is hard to explain, and I am afraid you would think I was insane.” Lucia said. I felt the hope in her voice that I would believe her.
“Well try me. You should know from what you have seen here what I am about. I am a pretty open person. I enjoy talking to you. I like your work.” I said, I hoped to both encourage her and myself once I had the information dropped on me.
“My friend said that you would understand. This is the first time I have spoken of him to anyone. Knowing him has been a very private thing for me. Very personal. But he said that right now this is important to you too,” Lucia said, her eyes slightly tearing, as she obviously fought with emotions. I felt both a conflict to not know, and a strong curiosity, that this was really about me too. Why would I think this involved me?
“How did this happen to you. I mean the rescue. From what you were feeling you had to be rescued from?” I said. I was very interested, since I started to feel, what she said could give me something tangible to work with in my own life.
Lucia, now appearing more settled said, “Last summer I was looking at my life. I had a depression I couldn’t shake. I was out in my garden thinking. I knew I needed permanent solutions or at least a plan in place before I left the garden that morning.”
“What brought all of this on, Lucia?” I said, in my attempt not to make her get to the point. I was anxious to hear what she had found or connected with.
“I was tired. I knew changes were coming for me that I could not control. Like the change in management back then. The obvious move for me to a different job. The taking stock of what was important to me. Where I had spent all my time. How my personal decisions did not seem to matter any more.” She looked at me with a steady gaze. “I really was thinking about ending my life. It would be the simplest solution and very permanent.”
I returned her gaze. I knew she was serious, she had never lied to me nor was she a drama queen.
“I decided to walk near the lake. I decided to ask out loud, if I should end my life. I explained to specific people who had been in my life, like my dead meditation teacher, if I had failed him. I told the goddess I am devoted to that I felt I had failed her. I was calling out at that moment for a solution. Or was the solution staring at me, my demise. I stood there feeling all heard me and then none answered.” Lucia looked down into her lap at her hands. “Telling you this still drains me. I walked back to the house and felt I could do nothing right then to solve this failure I had uncovered. Just too drained.”
“So what happened? Obviously something did. I know you, you usually follow through with your thoughts. I am glad you did not, Lucia.” I said, now taking a sip of sweet tea in an attempt to clear my dry throat.
“It was about two weeks later, I was driving to work, when I felt an incredible feeling. A sensual feeling of love. Like the type of feeling I had felt in the past when deeply in love, but there was no reason for this to be happening.” She blushed slightly, apparently from remembering more than she was telling me.
“So you felt loved? Or you felt love?” I said.
“I felt both. As if I knew who it was that loved me and that I loved them deeply. It was more than a memory. Something very active.” Lucia said. “I felt at peace with it. I felt I could communicate with the source of this love. That is when I attempted to figure out how.”
“So it was like a lovers love, then, sensual and sexual?” I asked, trying myself to understand its source.
“I felt relief with it. I felt refreshed. I did not feel afraid.” she said, trying to give me a feel of what she felt apparently. “I decided to use different spiritual tools I know from religions and practices I had learned in the past. I needed to communicate with this very familiar feeling.”
“How did that go?” I said, feeling I should be taking notes at this point, but thought better of it.
“I started with what I knew and had experienced when attempting to contact ghosts. I got the lecture recording device I used at work and brought it with me in the car on the drive home. I asked simple questions and waited for answers. I had hoped recording these sessions would give me some sounds or evidence of someone being in the car with me.” She smiled as if she recalled something humorous with the telling of this attempt at communicating with the feeling. “I heard nothing. The feeling grew stronger. I then attempted to do a yes/no ball divination to find out if someone there were responsible for what was happening to me now. That revealed nothing reliable. The answers were so random. They made no sense. The yes or no answer was not guided by anyone, I felt. Again, the feeling grew stronger.”
“How do you mean it grew stronger, Lucia?” Now I was feeling something vague come over me. I thought maybe it was due to my intense focus on her story.
“I was madly in love with the source, Gemma. It made me feel whole and calm. I felt like I had a purpose and a future. Things, I did not have during that summer’s call out for help at the lake.” Lucia said, looking directly at me with her hands flat on the table top.
“So what happened then?” I said, with a smile to break the tension of this reveal.
“I grew quiet, accepting what I felt. This went on for a few weeks. That is when I heard the words. Not with my ears. It came from somewhere in my upper chest. I felt the words. They said, ‘It is me. I love you and I am coming for you to take you with me.’ I knew the words were directed at me, I knew who it was, but not a name and that these words were right.” Lucia said, looking off into the trees.
“What did you do?” I said, now myself longing for the same as she had experienced, some how.
“I answered. I said who are you? What should I call you?” Now smiling Lucia went on. “The voice. The words went on saying, ‘you were very silly, I am not dead. I am very much alive as you are. I need something from you right now, Lucia.’ I asked what? I was straining to hear each word. ‘Promise me, promise me right now you will not take your life.’ That blew me away. I said back, is it because this is your love you are giving me? The words said, ‘It is our love, the love we have, I need you to promise you will not hurt yourself.’ I said, yes I promise I will not hurt myself.”
I leaned back in my chair, feeling the need to take in a deep breath, because of her words.
“Then the words said to me, ‘I needed you to say that. I will hold you to it. You were quite silly how you thought I was a ghost. I am very much alive. And I will be coming soon to take you by the hand and bring you home.’ I actually hung hope on these words.” Lucia said, almost matter a fact. “But here I am some almost two years and still here. But I know more and why. I wanted to work with you, because he said you would understand. He also said the connection with you and writing would help me develop the skills I need. Help me wait. Help you too.” Lucia said, leaning back in her chair.
I actually felt a burden lift off her. Or maybe it was my writer’s imagination of such happening.
….. If you missed: The Prologue read it here.