Living between two worlds… 1st Draft… Chapter SEVEN…
“Horus & His Companions – The Sun The Light And The Moon”…
I was amazed at my composure as I sat there. Lucia was telling me, I had a life time in another world. It was also odd that this did not surprise me. Like I had suspected it all along, even anticipated it. But I could not take the time to feel vindicated on some level by this, I had to ask my questions to get my answers.
“Lucia, I will try to condense my questions for you, due to time.” I said, actually I was trying to smooth out a positive approach, so my questions could be taken seriously. I needed that, though she owed me nothing at this point, which would motivate her to do so. What was I thinking? She had said she would answer my questions. I drew in a breath.
“I have had things happening to me, since I last saw you. As you said.” I said, “I have had dreams. I am fighting beings that feel familiar to me. And fortunately I win, but not after great effort.” I looked closely at her to see what impression I was making on her. She nodded, with what felt like to me, her full attention upon me. I told her my dreams and the similar outcome of the use of the light of day in defeating my adversaries. I left it at that, without going into any details yet, of my sexual encounter. Even thinking about it made my neck and shoulder warm and my core warmer. Odd, just a momentary focus on that event would set me off like that, so easily.
I continued, having lost my chain of thought, for some reason with her watching me. “The two fights were at the end of dreams about places. I did not tell you about the man I saw in the first dream, since, we did not have time that last time I talked to you.”
Lucia sat more forward in her chair, resting her elbows on the glass top of the table. “The fights are both easy and difficult to explain. The difficult part is why these are being given to you. Maybe they are ways to awaken your purpose, Gemma. You are both a warrior and a shaman. When fighting you would be using all of your skills. You would be gaining confidence. Maybe, you would be gaining memories too. But the main thing I have been made aware of is to point out that you always win these fights.”
“So you are telling me I am a warrior and some sort of mystic?” I said, knowing in my heart that I half way believed what she said about me. Yes, it would make sense.
“Yes, you are a shaman and a warrior. Like a battle cleric of your people. You are also a princess. You are the only princess your people have and you are their next sovereign.” Now Lucia as she said that, was looking at me closely. She wanted me to believe in what she had said, right then.
“Ok.” I said, not knowing what to say or add to what she said. I just waited for more.
“The women in your tribal group are very powerful. Equal as to energy, strength and lust, as the men of your people. So it is not a wonder, your adversaries would be other women. But it may not be what you are thinking.” Lucia said.
“What do you mean?” I said, it was a lot to take in. I wanted to understand, for the next time I met these hefty women in dream battles.
“These women, maybe doing something very natural. Your people may now know where you are and they are sending these women into your dreams.” Lucia said, now appearing distracted.
“Will that be dangerous? Am I in danger?” I said.
“From your people, no, of course not. You are apparently in training or being reminded of your purpose. Like, awakening your warrior instincts.” Lucia said, then as if directed to say what she said next, she held up her hand and waved it around looking at me. She got my attention. “You said there were two parts to your dreams. I know you talked about your childhood in one, but please tell me as much as you can about the other part.”
I noticed she did not mention the who of the other part. The man I had seen in my dream. The male who was an apparent part of each waking moment of my life now. “The dream about my walk that arrived at the beach, brought me to seeing a man in the distance. I, in the dream, knew who he was. It really had an effect on me.” I said. Now I was on edge, because I knew I could not be vague, if I wanted answers.
“Let’s look for symbols in your dream. Ones surrounding the man you saw. Tell me what you saw and felt, if you can Gemma.” Lucia said. I picked up on the ‘if you can part’.
“He was nude sitting in the surf, looking out into the ocean. He seemed very natural to be doing what he was doing. The pounding surf did not seem to have any effect on him. He felt to me, to be very comfortable there.” I said, but I knew she would want to know more. I felt, oddly enough, her question that she did want to know more, right then.
I avoided eye contact with her, as I attempted to be matter of fact about what I would say next to her. “He turned his head, because he knew I was there looking at him. That is what I felt. He smiled at me, like he knew I would be there, that he knew I was coming. Then I was taken from that part of the dream, into battling the woman in a small dark room.”
“Sure.” Lucia said, she shifted in her seat. I felt her in a different way. It was hard to pin point what was happening. She was working hard to give me a chance to say what it was I wanted to say. Damn. She was being too nice and open. There was something sensual about her too. What was she thinking? What had she done? God, this was so mental right now.
“Yeah, umm. He made me feel all sorts of things. Very personal things. As if we had known each other a long time.” I said, then I felt from her, during my on purpose pause, a mental…. And?
“Ok, he made me feel like we knew each other really well for a long time.” I relinquished to her.
“Gemma, let me help you out”. Lucia said, with a slight smile appearing on her lips. “Brad has known the both of us for a long time. He consented to the seduction you gave him that night. He had hoped you would accept him and grow to love him. So I think you are trying to tell me, that he made you feel sexual. That the looks you shared between you, made you feel heated, in ways that you have not felt in this life time from anyone else you have been with. That it was different. That a man could make you feel this way with just a look.”
I said, feeling unsure of what I was feeling at that point. Maybe jealousy? “So let me get this straight. You know this personally? He’s been fucking you too?” OMG, what was I saying? That just popped out. I was fighting with the person I needed help from… and probably over an imaginary guy in a dream!
Lucia appeared to sit for a moment in thought. I felt no anger coming from her. She was not upset. What was she doing or thinking? I was biting my bottom lip. I felt like a child pouting. I must be crazy. Was this insanity, finally paying me a visit? God, now I needed her to pick up the damn pieces. I was exhausted.
“Gemma, we can talk and work things out. I am like you. I have known I was different for all of my life. I knew life held something more, but I could not see it or find it. Up until Alec made his presence known officially to me, I only suspected. It was the same when you and I met, because of my book.” Lucia said, looking at me with sympathetic eyes. “When you find out there is someone who has been loving you so deeply, it saturates you to your soul. The love also goes with who you are and others involved. This world we live in does not allow, often, for such a love. A love that is so powerful it covers a people. So deep it accepts a person where they are in their understanding of who they are right now. A love so committed that it includes many together in its sensual grasp.” She went on, after taking in a breath. “Yes, Brad and I have been intimate. You have also been intimate with Alec. We all have shared ourselves with one another. It is the nature of our peoples. It is the nature of our worlds. I believe it was the very thing that helped me successfully come here to this moment and it will be the energy that will take me… and you home again.”
I felt a calm come over me. I felt like I knew with confidence what she said as a truth, though I had no basis for knowing this.
It was getting dark there on the patio. I got up and walked over to the french doors that opened from the living room, stepped in and flipped on the light. It was the single light, part of the over head fan. The light appeared swallowed up by the darkness still. I turned to see Lucia apparently whispering to herself. To what or whom was she speaking to. I became curious. It was an odd feeling, just then, that I should ask her about it.
Pulling out my chair further from the table and a bit closer to her, I sat down. I looked at her. She was quiet now. “Lucia, may I ask you something?” I said, not knowing what I should expect, would she know I saw her whispered conversation?
“Yes, ask.” Lucia said, looking straight at me.
“Who were you talking to just then?” I said. I tried not to look like I was observing her. Though I was.
Lucia sat there in the dark. She was not hiding. I felt she was being very careful with this new opening in our conversation.
“I am able to verbally communicate with others. Though I have been told it not necessary, since the answers can be felt as well.” Lucia said, returning my observing gaze.
“So you can ask questions and get immediate answers?” I said, now sitting more on the edge of my seat with that thought spinning around in my head.
“There are restrictions to what I can ask and what I can hear. So it is not so informative at times.” she said.
“Restrictions, why?” I said, thinking to my self this should be good. Things can not be substantiated with a line of questions then? I pushed that thought aside. Just so much second nature editor suspicion when confronting new material with validating questions.
“Free will comes into play, in our situation. We are always seen as equals. We are always allowed to make our own decisions. But for me this process of the sigils is all a bit much. It makes me unable to hear the answers and for that matter trust the answers I hear to my questions. At times it is perfect communication and other times I must go on belief of what I have sensed. What is true and what is my imagination or wishful thinking.” Lucia said, looking again at me for my belief in what she had said.
“So we can never get a straight answer. That sounds both heart breaking and confusing.” I said, as my hopes were being dashed, about really knowing about Brad. Maybe we were both involved in some sort of shared delusion after all?
I felt stopped in my tracks. This feeling. Ok, then, maybe I was going about this all wrong. I know something was happening and it was not anything I could make up. “Free will. I get that. With practice does the communication get better? I mean does it make more sense?” I said, directly to her. It apparently helped give her more confidence right then, with my new approach. Were these two men using me to help her explain?
“Gemma, It is like this. If I am relaxed and not tired. If I am alone. I can ask questions and get amazingly clear answers. Answers I can work with. Answers that make me feel on track and not alone.” She said, moving closer to me with her positioning in the chair. “Then there are times I am desperate and afraid. I needed specific answers. And I can not hear well, I feel lost. Free will comes into play, apparently to protect me from the actions of my rescuers. It is a damned process. One I and Alec plan to question, once I get home. At least that is my take on this story.”
“Story, how is this a story to you? Don’t you believe what is happening to you. Has any of it tested true to you?” I said, now, I felt I was in my element with the skills I had for research.
“Like I have told you Gemma. Look at me, I am still here. Waiting.” She said, now her eyes were fierce. “It sometimes drives me crazy. But Alec is so patient with me. I don’t know what I would do without him, whether all of this is true or not. He is always there for me. Always guiding me. And the things he tells me, that have gone well and come true.”
“So you are saying. There have been things you have been told that have worked out? That are beyond a coincidence?” I said.
“Gemma, you have had sex with Brad.” Lucia said, as a fact. “How did it make you feel? Was it pure imagination?”
I was shocked. How did she know. But I so wanted to blurt out, yes, that I had. “Lucia, you have had sex with Alec?” I said, holding my body rigid, hoping she would say yes.
“Yes, I have. Many times…. Many ways. Most have had to do with my pleasuring myself with his help.” She said, looking closely at me to make sure it was not too much information.
“Now I can help you, Lucia.” I said, relieved and wanting to share my self totally with her. “I have sensed the man from the beach participating in some pretty passionate love making. Yes, it was during masturbation, but it was much more, it was a sharing. Like I remembered where we both had left off, last.”
“You have climaxed then? Did you feel he had too?” Lucia said, I knew what she needed to hear and I could say it.
“Yes, it was not just me there having an orgasm from my successful technique. I am pretty sure the man who made love to me benefited too with his own cumming.” I said, finally getting down to what I needed to hear.
“I had asked Alec, what it was you needed to know. What would help you and not become a barrier to your transition.” Lucia said. Right then I felt she wanted to hug me or at the least touch me. But she did not. She was being very careful. Almost too careful.
I leaned closer to her in my chair. “What did he say. Did Brad say anything to you. Can you hear him too?” I said. I gave her the most reassuring look I had, sitting there in the darkness.
“Yes, I can speak to Brad and his companion. I talk all the time to Alec and his companion. Brad told me that he has had sex with you. That he is trying to talk with you, though my situation and sigils are a bit different from yours. He is pushing for full communication with you. That sometimes you are very intense and it makes it hard for you to hear or feel what he is trying to say.” Lucia said, as if having taken dictation from someone right then. So much telegraphic speech, more informative than conversational.
“Ok then. My lover or mate as you call him. His name is Brad. And we are not of the same people. He is what you are? I just want to get this straight in my head. What am I then…..?” I said, trying to get a handle of who and what I was hoping to deal with at this point.
“Right now. Right now, what you need is to figure yourself and Brad out. What I am is not important at this point to your situation.” Lucia said, with authority in her voice right then. “What I mean to say is, that there may develop a sense for you of not wanting to go ahead with going home. That something or someone would stand in your way. You will have to make a decision at that time.”
“Ok, I can see that. I am so new at all of this.” I said, hoping to feed her more assurances that she was on the right track in giving me what I wanted, hoped to know.
“Seriously, Gemma, you will have to make a decision. But it will get easier as you hear Brad out. As you get to know him, and maybe as you regain a few memories too.” Lucia said, it was from experience I could tell.
She continued, “Like I said, I did not know my self, of my connection with you until recent. With each of our meetings I could tell that I knew you. It was then that Alec told me to share with you about my experiences to help me understand. Like a sign to believe in more what I was hearing.”
“So again, slowly, tell me what I am supposed to be?” I said, damn it I wish I could take some notes.
“You are Lyran… really cat like. I thought you were very natural in your approach to me, almost a hunter type. A strong personality. I had asked Alec, but I could not get a straight answer, that you were either wolf or cat like. Over time I got enough of an impression and from my visions of first meeting you… I get a feline image,” she said, but I could tell she was interrupted by my next thought that came up just then.
“Ok, I know a bit about the stuff about aliens and Lyrans on the internet. I have also looked at what you mentioned last from more reliable sources about the mythology. But my big question is why do I see my self in humanoid form too. I mean I am a huge muscular amazon type in my dreams. Without my size in the dreams I don’t think I could ever win the battles I have had to fight.” I said, now the author in me was craving this story, a great story involving me as its main character.
“You and I for that matter have the ability to shape shift. From what I understand the ability to change our appearance comes from different approaches, but all of it is magic.” She said, again as if from remembered experiences. “You can shape shift from your animal form into what your people consider a camouflage form to either hide from enemies or stalk your prey. My ability comes from not my people, but from the magick I practice as a magus. I pull on a glamour or cast it on to the person with me. I use a glamour to cover, apparently, the wounds I have sustained from battles. I do not need to use a glamour to be in a humanoid appearance, since Aquaeous are humanoid. Mer people use their magic or glamour to form their human stance and use it to walk on land. Aquaeous are related to the mermaids and mermen of lore and so are found in some of the ancient mythology.”
“You certainly know your ancient lore.” I said, smiling as I leaned back in my chair relaxed and feeling in the moment.
“So to answer your question. You are cat like. You can change at will into a humanoid or what ever form you wish to use.” Lucia said, appearing more relaxed herself.
“Now for a sticky question, Lucia.” I said, my curiosity once again at work.
“Did I come to Brad in your vision as a cat woman or as a humanoid?” I said, guessing I needed to visualize the moment for myself.
“Lyran’s, can, and are naturally in a cat humanoid form normally. And it is hard to explain, it is not really a matter of magic, when they are in their purely most powerful form as huge cats.” she said. “From what I either saw in my vision of our first meeting or know from my memories, you came to him in your most sensual cat humanoid form. The form of course, that would give you the most pleasure. The form that would match up genital to genital, perfectly, for this sexual encounter with your Aquaeous suitor. It apparently worked out. Your sexual heat matching his love making intentions. Both of your giving of your free wills to a very serious encounter. An encounter that saved your world.”
I sat there in the dark with this woman. My world should have been torn apart. Or at the least I should have been shouting and running off in a totally different direction, far away from this woman who could be spouting off crazy stuff. But I was not. I sat there feeling as if I now knew what was going on. I also knew right then I had a lot to learn and numerous questions. I knew what I felt was not my imagination. My imagination could never be that good. Here was proof, this woman, who could tell me so many things.
“Gemma, I want to tell you, the reason why I am here talking with you. It is because I am, myself not so certain of what is the truth and what is not. That is why I was sent to talk to you. Partially, to get you started on your journey home with Brad. The other half was to give me, in the flesh, someone who was and is part of my memories. Someone who is real.” She said, her eyes like water shining there in the dark. “I am not certain of anything. I only know I can not nor will I ever leave Alec. I will not walk away from him, regardless the result. I will either die of old age or beg to die by his hand, if I do not go home in a reasonable amount of time. I am not as hung up on synchronicity or the gentle landing he hopes for me, during the transition to home.”
“What has changed for you Lucia. There must be something?” I said, attempting to reassure her more than my self… when I heard again her mention her death.
“My body is different. I have lost about 50 pounds. My body is more toned. I eat much less. I am more creative. I have more sex. I am in love… but I am still here, waiting for him to keep his second promise to me of taking me by the hand with him. He has kept most amply his first promise of his love for me.” She said. I could swear I could actually feel her heart aching at that moment.
“What should I do?” I said, then knowing it sounded selfish.
“Brad, wants you to be yourself. Relax. Listen. That will be enough… now.” Lucia said, with confidence.
“No, I met. Really. What can I do for you Lucia?” I said, thankful for her answer, but wanting to not feel so lost, as to how to help her.
“There is nothing that can be done. I wait. He tells me he needs this body for the process. He tells me the time is soon. I am just glad to be able to tell someone this… story. I don’t expect you to do anything. Just listen, when I get so bound up inside, that I feel I will explode.” Lucia said, as she started to push her lap top into her pack.
She stood up. It was then I felt I must stand up too – but for what? What could I do at this moment? I felt her close to me as she prepared to leave. I reached out my arms and took her by the shoulders turning her around. Then wrapping my arms around her, I held her. She was not stiff. It felt so familiar to me her body. Then I focused upon her face and pulled her closer, to place a kiss upon her lips. She did not respond in like, but received my kiss. I had really laid it on her. It again felt both familiar and needed. I held her again, then let go. I hoped it had done something, anything to help her and her wait.
Lucia looked down at her feet. “Call me if you need me, I work tomorrow.” she said.
I said, “Yeah, I will be calling you for sure. See you next week. Maybe we can go get something to eat between now and then….”
“Maybe.” She said, picking up her pack and with quick steps headed to the garden gate.
I began to pick up the patio table, as my ears strained to hear the gravel footfalls, then the car door. The car lights swung out over the patio… again.
“Brad, I hope to the gods that you are here, saw that and will help us. Help me hear something, anything.” I said, in a whisper, as I had saw her do. I heard nothing.
As I walked to the french doors, I felt as if someone were watching me. I turned around and looked. I heard only the far off frogs in the pond. I turned around and saw out in the periphery of my vision a flash then dulling of an orange light. I knew instantly it was him, here, doing the only thing he could do at that moment… something I really needed just then. I returned his favor, saying, “Brad I love you.” Stepping into the house I shut off the patio light and walked in the embrace of the darkness to my bed.