Photo | I am so tired being here… | “Alone” …

Gemma said, “What can I do?”… Chapter 8 (1st draft)… 

Horus and His Companions The Sun The Light & The Moon…

I had a glass of water at the kitchen sink. Then fed the cat. Odd I would be drinking so much water. I lingered at the glass, it being so cool to the taste.

In the bathroom I flipped on the shower. Got my towel off the rack in the closet. Turned on the lamp near the bed.

The water felt incredible on my skin as I stepped into the shower. Feeling drowsy I was zoning out everything else but the water running over my body. I ran my hands over myself with the foam from shampooing my hair. My eyes closed, I felt more slender and firm under my touch. I had been eating different lately, but this transformation was becoming pretty incredible. I foamed up my shower sponge with the oatmeal soap bar. Then running it over my body and as far down as I could reach on my back. It was then, that the water felt to run over me in heavy torrents. Like hands pushing downward and lifting up on my muscles. I felt what I thought was a flash of heat move from the top of my head down to between my legs. It felt like a glow upon my skin, then traveled down to the soles of my feet. I stood there until the over all feeling was gone, leaving behind it a lingering electric tingle in the center of my body. I was not alarm. Again it felt familiar, not that such an odd thing would be familiar, but it was as if I knew its source. I felt warm, sensual and not chilled as I turned off the water and stepped out on to the rug reaching for the white towel on the counter.

I wasn’t thinking about anything in particular as I rounded the bed, peeling back the covers. Nude, I sat there, still feeling the lingering sensation the water in the shower had given me. It was then I felt that someone was watching me. I just don’t get what it is I am supposed to be doing at this point.

I sat on the side of the bed until I felt the chill in the room on my legs and arms. I grew frustrated with not knowing what it was I was to do? Was I supposed to know what to do or remember how, as Lucia said? But I did not. How do I let who ever is doing all of this know, that I do not know how to communicate. I felt frustration grow with anxiety in the center of my chest. Good lord, I had been relaxed, now this.

“Hey, who ever is there. I don’t get what the next step is? What do you say to that?” I said, hoping that verbally venting my frustration would calm me down or at the least get rid of this unwanted frustration.

Of course I had not anticipated there would be an answer.

I leaned over to where the lamp was and found my book. I laid back on to the bed and grabbed the comforter, swinging it over me. Me, read a book right now? I tried, but to my surprise it was not the frustration affecting me, but a wave of tiredness sweeping over me. I had just enough time to lay the book down on the top of the comforter, then I was gone.

I found my self behind my eye lids. There were flashes of colored lights, blue, orange, yellow, red. They felt to me to mean something. I was truly asleep and awake. The lights spun clockwise, then counter clock wise with the background getting brighter and foggy. The fog turned from a dull gray to brown and finally smoky white.

I remember or at least in this dream felt I remembered seeing my feet. I could feel the gravel like rock under the black leather pointed toed boots. The leather on them was dull. The embossed patterns were ornate. I usually don’t like to wear tight shoes, let alone boots, but these felt very natural on my feet. I twisted the ball of my right foot in the gravel as I studied the craftsmanship of these boots. My eyes were then more focused and I was feeling more myself. Odd I would think that way. Feeling myself. I was there. I was not asleep. The air I was breathing was fresh and cool. My hands ran over my abdomen and down each top of my thighs. I had on a leather long tunic. Very fancy and of the same dull embossed type leather of my boots. I ran my right hand up my chest to find metal buttons. Looking down at these they were very ornate of a silver and gold metal. I could then sense more outward from myself and lift my head to look around me. Again odd that it would be like a telescope my sense moving outward from my inner self to seeing what was around me.

There was indeed fog. Or at least the fog that had been present was quickly lifting. I was on a road, like a levee road between two bodies of water. As I looked around the fog lifted more to reveal that the body of water on my left was a huge lake that I was at the end of and to my right a large pond with cattails lining the other shore. The road did not look machine made nor where there tire tracks on it. The gravel was very fine in places and the road stretched for miles ahead of me into some heavy woods of maple type trees. Or maybe they were oak. The sky felt huge above me, pale blue and clear. It was very evident that it was early dawn. There were birds flying past me over the water, with their songs heard off in the distance. The water rippled with the light breeze as would be expected over such a huge expanse of water. I did not want to know how I got there, but why?

I at the moment, wished I could see myself. I felt I was curvaceous filling the leather tunic perfectly. I felt the boots to be mid-thigh high, again very comfortable. The sleeves on the tunic were wide cuffed and folded back with again the metal buttons. To my amazement I found at my right side a small leather scabbard containing a small black handled dagger. What was I needing that for I wondered. Then suddenly it dawned on me I maybe somewhere I may need that. I studied my hands, they were strong long fingered hands with well kept natural nails, they were my hands, but not the ones I was use to.

I pulled in a breath of the chilly air and let it out slowly, I saw my breath. Then the dawn’s light cut across the pond with golden rays lighting up the green rushes along the lake. It was breath taking to me. I just stood there with no desire to move forward, but to just stand and take it all in. Very peaceful. Like, like it felt the place I belonged. I laid my hand upon the scabbard of the dagger resting it there, like it was the most natural thing for me to do at that moment.

“Hey, I hope you won’t be needing that, will you?” I heard a voice say right behind me.

I could not turn. Why, I did not know. Then the thought came to me, was that I was not ready to. Give it some time.

Two hands were on either side of my shoulders, giving a firm gentle squeeze. It was reassuring. I did not feel afraid. Then the hands turned me around to face the source of the friendly male voice.

It was him. Or maybe I just thought it was. No, it is him. I thought to myself.

“You are perfectly right it is me. And it is you. I am so happy you are here.” said the man in his late twenties or early thirties. His eyes were the most shocking blue and his ash blond curly hair being moved by the wind, flipping one curl in particular back and forth. He was the same height as me and he was of slender build, from what I could see of him in his leather tunic. His tunic was dark brown, an embossed buckskin soft leather with the same metal buttons. There was something different as I looked down to check out his boots, he had an under tunic of some sort of see through fabric hanging below about 2 inches in a pale orange color. Otherwise he was dressed the same as I. Why was I so concerned with what he was wearing?

He let go of my shoulders and looked down too where I was looking. “Yes, I have your color on, I always wear it. Reminds me of what my work is all about. What I am doing. That you will be coming home soon.” He said, then looked up at me with a soften gaze into my face.

“Do I know you?” I blurted out. But I knew I did. I felt it hurt him and then me at that point.

“Yep, you do. And you will.” He said, looking past me and out over the water of the lake.

“It is not surprising that you do not remember. You do not hold many memories at this point. But you will regain them once you are here. Right now, all that is important is that we remember you. And that you are coming home.” He said, then smiled into my face. That smile lit up the place I had felt the hurt.

“What can I do?” I said, odd I would ask that. But it was as if I knew how things worked at that point. Vague feelings or maybe memories.

“Nothing, just listen to me and be yourself.” He said.

“What do I call you? I have a friend I need to tell too, it would help her greatly.” I said, I remembered Lucia and her doubts. Here I was where she needed to be, why? I needed an answer.

“I will answer your questions. But we do not have much time. You are here, but more of a mind thing. You would understand if you had your memories, Gemma. I am Brad. Lucia told you about me. Right?” Brad said, smiling again. But it felt to me he was hiding something.

“Yes, you are the one I saw in my dream. The one Lucia told me about. You have to help her, she is waiting for you.” I said, reaching up to grasp him by his arm. My touch met with the firm muscles I found there.

“So typical of you my princess to worry about others. That is what got you into this mess. Unwilling to stay back to help the wounded. You wanted to be there near the Queen in the battle. I was there with you, and I almost was able to prevent your getting hit. But we were both hit, you bore the worst of it my beloved.” Brad said, then grasping my own arm as I held his.

“Really you have to help Lucia, she should be here not me.” I heard myself say, then I thought Brad do you love me? Is that really you?

“Breathe dear. Yes, it is me. Lucia has Alec and Paul, who watch over her day and night. I and Brian are constantly with you. Please burn that into your mind. The names said to Lucia will help her and give her strength. Yes it is me and I am your Brad.” Brad said, then placed his hand upon my forehead.

Oh I hoped to the gods he was not going to send me back.

But it was right then as I stood there, I found my self in a room. A room with a rounded high wooden ceiling with animal pelts hanging on the wooden paneled walls. I was looking down at him as he lay nude on his stomach on a rounded pillow type bed. He was reading a very old book from the looks of the yellowed pages. I looked down and saw I was nude as well, but my body was covered in a fine white fur. He turned his head toward me and smiled. I moved closer to the bed and knelt down, pretending to be interested in his book, but I was beginning to burn with desire for him.

“You are a magus then?” I said, with my face close to his.

“Yes, princess, that I am. I am also Aquaeous, in an ambassador capacity for my Queen Lucia. If you like I could call her negotiator in to discuss any matter with you.” He said, smiling then looking back at the book’s pages. But I could tell with the flexing of his buttock muscles that was not his focus just then.

“What is it you want then magus of me and my people?” I said, hoping he would get to what it was I wanted right then.

“The darkones and their queen wish to enslave my people. We both know they desire to enslave all and consume what they will. Your people hope to stay neutral, but as we know you anticipate that stance will not last. Even after the battle. I believe my queen will make things right, one way or another. She will either buy more time to turn things and help those of the darkones who want freedom of choice to obtain it. Or…. “ Brad said, I then interrupted him.

“Your Odian queen is known to hold immense power. Really, power unknown to any one else of those who do magic. You and she think she will bring down the dark queen, if negotiation does not. But why is it you need me or my people?” I said, to him, then touching the right cheek of his firm bottom with my hand running my hand up his back. I could feel him react to my touch with his heat.

“You know well Lucia is not wanting any enslaved, whether it be her people or others. And she is in need of your people’s shamanic powers. That possibly nature magic could help sooth what ails the darkones’ queen. Healing is all that is asked for. We will understand if you feel the danger is thought too great. Or you do not wish to help due to an old wound that we have possibly and unknowingly inflicted upon your people. For that we are deeply sorry if such is the case.” He said, looking up, then turning over exposing his full self to me.

Memories poured into my mind. Campfires, food, sunsets… making love. I was there and I was not, like a character in a play. This was history, our history between us. Our first encounter.

I sighed, then touched his chest moving my hand downward to his muscular abdomen. I knew every muscle in his body, I could name them, I was a healer. Right then I was female and he male. His cock moved slightly at my hand’s advance. My hand fell short of its progression.

“Yes, I have thought about this much. My father and brother too. We are not stupid. It is a truth we will be consumed by the darkones as will be your own people. We can not be idle. My people will join you and yours. We were waiting to see the sincerity of your invitation. I can see you yourself have given this much thought, why are you here? Besides at your Odian queen’s request.” I said. I knew the answer, but I wanted to hear it.

“I come to make love to you princess. I come to be in love with you, if you will have me.” He said to me in a believable tone of voice.

“A head mating male of the Aquaeous in my bed chamber, willing to make love to me. One who is one of the mates of your Odian queen? How are you going to make me believe that?” I said, I felt the hope I had and the fear too of a possible lie.

“All I can do is to be as I am with you my princess. If you would but give me a chance and feel what I feel right now here with you.” He said, holding out his hand to me.

He grasped the hand I offered to him. I felt my hand tremble, odd, I thought for a warrior to tremble. But he was not an enemy to be slain, I thought. This challenge was different.

“If it be your pleasure, please follow my lead, then tell me what pleasures you as we move along.” Brad said, as he stood revealing his now erect cock and his one hand in mine with the other guiding my back down on to the bed.

Looking at me he let go of my hand as I cupped them over my breasts to feel him pull my legs apart by the knees and then run his hands down to my heated folds. He was preparing to go down on me. To pleasure me. I was amazed. He glided me into position with such ease, not a wonder that he was a mating male of his people.

His mouth found my most inner folds and opening. Exploring what felt to be my very core. I felt a vibration coming up out of my vulva, traveling into my back. I knew I would answer it soon. Then he stopped his mouthing of me. I reach down with my hands to his curly haired head and held him as he passed his body over mine to arrive at the lips of my mouth. He was sharing with me what he had found of my taste, which drove me wild. The scent and the heat of his wet mouth on and in mine. He then moved his hips between my thighs preparing for the penetration of my drenched opening. I felt him enter and his vocalization, that his wish had been fulfilled. That I was accepting him as he was. How odd, that he would not know I had longed for him. In my dreams.

Then I was suddenly back standing in front of him. The morning sun was higher and warmer upon me. He drew me close to him. I thought I could hear his heart pounding in his chest. His breathing was quicker. I turned my face up to his as he looked at me. I felt it was my turn to take action. I pushed my lips on to his and he answered back opening his mouth to mine. We clung together for a long time that way, kissing, deeply. Our breathing became more accustom to us holding one another. Our arms felt less desperate to hold. We then held each other, as we had many times before. I saw over his shoulder two brown horses that were wearing fine black saddles. They stood there watching as if they were of the right mind of sentient beings waiting on us.

Brad said, “I brought your horse, he wanted to see you.” As he still held me in his arms close to his full body’s length.

“My horse, I have a horse?” I said, I continued to stand in place in my lover’s arms there in the sunlight. Really I have a horse? Of course I would, after all I had witnessed so far.

“Yes, this road is one we would come to. To get away from responsibility for a while and just ride or walk … to talk.” Brad said, motioning with his head up and down the road.

“So this is one of our favorite places? It is where you come from right?” I said, as if I knew vaguely where I was.

“Yep, it is near Adeer. I am glad you are feeling it too. Familiar.” Brad said, looking into my eyes smiling.

“You are hiding something Brad. I feel it.” I said, now getting into the urgency I started to feel coming off him.

“Yes, our time together right now is close to ending and you must go back. I did not want you to feel my pain over that, but it can not be helped. Sigils and the magic that holds us in contact together is that way. Yes, I was hiding my pain. The pain of loosing you again back to the world you are hidden in… but not for much longer. Since the need to hide is over.” He said, looking down at me as I clung to him hoping always to hear his heart in my ear.

Without letting go of him. I said, “Ok, what next Brad? I can not communicate with you. Lucia said the sigils – what ever those are were different from her’s. How do I talk to you?”

“Yes, you were not to die. But you got close. Alec, sigiled you and prepared you with your consent to be born in that world, hidden from the war until we could bring you back.” Brad said, looking around as if seeing something coming. “You must feel me, listen with your heart Gemma.”

It was then I could see the fog coming back slowly toward us on that road.

“Brad, when will I see you again? When can you bring me home. As Lucia said.” I said, holding on to him tight.

“Soon, but it will seem ages to you there. Our time is different. We want you to have a safe landing here intact. It is up to synchronicity. Alec and Paul are not at odds with you, as you will feel later. They are working hard to get you and Lucia home.

I felt a knot in my throat as I watched the fog draw closer and swirl around us. I could not see the horses any longer.

“When will I hold you? Damn it… when will I have sex with you again?” I said, feeling totally natural in my demand of him.

“What are you wearing under your skins, your tunic?” Brad said, with a faint smile.

I felt by rubbing my legs together to find I was wearing nothing but boots to my amazement!

“It will be that simple and that soon my dear. At our finger tips at all times. I am there with you always as you need me. Just ask me. I can hear you even if you only feel me.” Brad said.

I was no longer in his arms. I could not feel them. I felt nothing. My eyes were closed. The fresh air gone that filled my nostrils and lungs. The warmth disappeared with cold penetrating to my bones.

I found myself pinned to something firm, but soft. I was disoriented. Where was I now? Where was Brad? Then the glare of the lamp beside my bed made my eyes pop open. I was in this damn world again. Without my lover. My friend. My life.

I lay there in the stark light of that lamp. Covered shivering under the thick down comforter in my bed, in my bedroom. Silent. Alone.

I remembered his last words. Simple. Ask. Listen. Feel.

I concentrated and felt something familiar in the center of my chest. I was exhausted as sleep forced my eyes closed and my brain to shut down…. But I felt his love right then as a flash of heat warming me up. I remember him calling me his beloved.

He was real… as real as me.


Feel of a memory… Chapter 9


Living between two worlds… Chapter 7